Inspecting for termites isn’t exactly a desk job. If you’re thorough (and not everyone is), you have to work your way through the attic, crawlspace (sometimes more than one), and probe every section of accessible wood around the perimeter of the home. It’s not for the faint of heart. In fact, there really should be a list of common inspector ailments we get trained on—(not officially, but there should be).

Probing Shoulder
On the exterior of a home, I probe every accessible piece of wood. Clipboard in my left hand, painter’s pole in my right, I tap fascia, fascia trim, block, ledgers, pergolas, every rafter tail, outrigger, and corbel. Some homes look like the builder had a warehouse of extra lumber they were trying to unload. I try to switch to my left arm occasionally, but I’m not as accurate. I’m convinced my right deltoid is twice the size of my left.

Framing Shins
I don’t wear shorts anymore. Every time a gash heals, a new one takes its place. Knee pads help, but shin pads feel excessive. Some attic spaces are so tight, extra padding would make maneuvering more difficult. And it’s not just wood—attics are full of truss plates with sharp little teeth that snag your clothes and skin. I’ve ruined more than a few shirts and pants on those.

Attic Throat
I wear N95 masks now. I should probably wear a respirator, but attics are hot and a respirator makes breathing even harder. Before Covid, I didn’t wear a mask at all. I was crawling through three to six attics and crawlspaces a day, lungs wide open. A buddy of mine was doing the same—plus smoking cigarettes. At this rate, maybe we don’t need to save much for retirement.

Crawlspace Hair
Crawlspaces are always thick with spider webs. I usually crawl with one arm stretched out in front of me like a fencer, trying to knock down webs before they hit my face. Still, I always come out with streaks of web in my hair. If I timed it better, I’d schedule a crawl right before a Halloween party.

Frass Scalp
More than once, I’ve been sitting on the couch at night, scratching my head, and felt grit in my hair. That’s when I remember smacking a termite-infested rafter tail or section of fascia earlier in the day and getting showered in termite frass. I have to remind myself—it’s just wood.

So next time you have your home inspected, remember: your inspector might be suffering from a touch of Probing Shoulder, Framing Shins, or Frass Scalp. We’re not asking for sympathy—it’s the job we chose. Honestly, if I don’t walk away with at least one of these, I feel like I didn’t give 100%.